Well, things at my internship have been steadily gaining more and more excitement. I was able to sit in on an anger management assessment with a client with another intern who has prior experiencing doing intakes. I don't do too well with anger. In fact, I don't do too well with big, muscular intimidating angry men either, not to mention it was the first time sitting in with a client! All I can say was I could barely breathe. I was afraid to look at him for fear of him "thinking" I was judging him or something as he told very personal stories...and being that the other intern was already staring at him, I didn't want to add on another set of eyes to make him feel anymore uncomfortable than he may have already felt. I certainly would have felt a bit uncomfortable sitting in a tiny room with two social work student interns asking me a bunch of questions! By the end of that session, which took forever, my hands were tired from being clenched together so tightly, and I felt like I hadn't breathed in years. It was an exhilarating experience though. I could literally feel how angry he was and how frustrated he was with this given situation...you could feel his adrenaline...and his sense of severity in this given situation throughout the energy in the room.
I was also able to sit in and observe a new social worker at work (she was an intern at the agency, and was hired soon after) as she did an assessment on a teenager girl on PINS. I then thought for sure afterwards that working with teenagers would be VERY enjoyable for me. This particular client was easy to engage, somewhat ready yet hesitant to change, and I noticed a lot of strengths she had.
I'm incredibly jealous of the social worker there. She's young, energetic, beautiful, charismatic, extroverted and bubbly, and she just throws in humor throughout the session...which works out perfectly at certain times. I know professors tell you everyone eventually develops their own style in terms of being a social worker, but wow, I wish I had half her charm and confidence! After the session, I complimented her on how well she does, how natural and comforting she comes off, blah, blah, blah. She said soon enough, when I'm ready, I'll be meeting with my own set of clients. Nothing could have scared me more than that! I'm so very, very excited, but nervous that I'll mess something up. Nothing feels natural at this stage. It's still SO new, and I hope I can get to the point where the session flows naturally and doesn't feel like a game of 50 questions.
My biggest downfall will be my lack of confidence...but that's always been the case.
How do I go about developing confidence? Not only do I have poor self-esteem, but I'm (sometimes) shy when meeting new people for the first time. All of this needs to kind of step aside though...for now, at least.
